How Are You, Really?

Photo by Lloyd William Green Photography

“Remember: the time you feel lonely is the time you most need to be by yourself. Life’s cruelest irony.”Douglas Coupland, Shampoo Planet

It has been a long, long 8 weeks my friends. 8 weeks of uncertainty, fear, frustration, and unknowing. I’ll be honest, there have been very hard days, very easy days, and days that seemed to come and go without notice.

I’ve spent my days inside doing cosmetology school virtually, taking Elly on walks, and Lloyd and I have been doing our best at getting outside and doing activities like biking, hiking, and kayaking without getting too close to others.

But, how am I, really? A little lost.

My funds are depleting month by month as rent, car insurance, and other various bills make their way out of my pocket. I have no source of income and no chance of gaining unemployment through the state of Florida. My therapy appointments have been narrowed to once a month due to affordability and lack of actually being in person with my therapist. My creativity through writing, art, or other media has dwindled down to mere nothing. I’ve been drinking way too much beer and now my pooch greets me every morning. Cosmetology school is hard to do virtually and I really miss my friends and getting my hands into some real hair. I long for any sort of human interaction and cherish any moment I get to chat with anyone who has a heartbeat.

But, how am I, really? Not horrible.

I have a roof over my head, food in my belly, and friends that are willing to gather in small groups. Elly and I get to spend countless hours together and whisk away on adventures either walking or driving all over Florida. My therapist checks on my weekly, without charge, and makes sure I’m okay simply because that is his job. My boyfriend makes silly Tik Tok’s and I get to giggle at his boyish humor. Kayaking, paddle boarding, biking, walking, are all free adventures that I get to enjoy while living in Florida.

Time seems to be stretched along this spectrum and we’re all just waiting for one day to end so the other can start. We don’t know where our next paycheck is coming from and we’re not sure if the lights will be on next month. Some of us don’t know when work starts again and others are wondering when their next day off will be. The hands on the clock are spinning and spinning, but we don’t seem to be moving. When they say, “time is a circle,” I think I understand what that means now.

In the end, it’s simply day by day and the best we can do, is the best we can do. Whether that’s taking the day to yourself and binging Waco or getting out of bed at 7 am for a bike ride and a Zoom call. You’re doing your best to whatever you think that is – all standards are off the table .

So, I guess – how are you, really?

*All photos were taken by Lloyd William Green Photography. Give his blog and Instagram (@floydwhiskerson) a follow for Florida stories and photos.